Peneflix MOVIE REVIEWS BY PENEFLIX
Andy and Lana Wachowski are a dynamic, daunting duo; brother/sister filmmakers whose imaginative “Matrix” series and the 2012 “Cloud Atlas” stunned audiences with unexpected wizardry, galvanizing visual effects, magical emotional jaunts through untrammeled worlds. Alas, “Jupiter Ascending” is a mélange of mediocrity; cinematography is glorious but mixed with a ludicrous, ponderous scenario, dimensionless characterization, resulting in a pretty, but financially -misguided mess.
“Jupiter Jones”, named by her Russian father, after the largest, most spectacular ringed planet, is “Queen of the Earth” like Cinderella, unaware of her regal status, is a cleaning lady in Chicago; first preposterous premise; Mila Kunis cleaning toilets? Why not behind a counter at Macy’s or a receptionist at Morgan Stanley? Unfortunately, valiant efforts do not a “Queen” make.
The crux of the film lies in an alternate galaxy; focusing on the royal rivalry of three heinous, temperamentally shriveled, siblings: “Balem” the only one with an IQ over 60, wants Jupiter, dead; Eddie Redmanye’s depiction is laughable; his whispering voice, emaciated frame, should have been blessed with a digital death, before the film commenced. The other two transparent idiots, dismissible.
Channing Tatum, “Caine” half-man/half-other, with shoes “Dorothy” would kill for, is so uncomfortable with his pointy ears, hilarious, restrictive wardrobe, he garnishes a mite of sympathy from the viewer, as Jupiter’s aerial protector.
Pointless, disappointing “Jupiter Ascending” unfortunately, never got off the ground.
ONE & 1/2 STARS!!
Peneflix
Ha, ha, ha – as a reviewer I guess you just had to pony up for the 3D ticket and everything. Fortunately as a mere mortal; I don’t.
Part of the “job” is the occasional “freebie”; but you’de have to pay me to see this one again! P.
Well, at least you didn’t pay to be tortured. It’s so sad because the Wachowskis were once such titans.
Not counting them out yet! P.